


Three Morons and a Baby

by DC (UnknownUnseenUnheard), UnknownUnseenUnheard



Series: Three Morons and A Baby AU [1]
Category: DCU, Impulse (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Superboy (Comics), Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: Alex is precious and must be protected okay, Can y’all see the elements of Smallville in Lex?, Despite his pretentious name-, M/M, Multi, also Lillian is alive, baby au, cause that’s what I’m going with doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have any scenes, pretend she’s supergirl’s Lilian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23860252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownUnseenUnheard/pseuds/DC, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownUnseenUnheard/pseuds/UnknownUnseenUnheard
Summary: While searching through hacked LexCorp files, Tim discovers a secret.Or, the one where Tim, Bart, and Kon get bridled with unpexcted parenthood and gush endlessly like the embarrassing dads we all know they’d be.One Shot, complete
Relationships: Bart Allen/Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Series: Three Morons and A Baby AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844635
Comments: 11
Kudos: 104





	Three Morons and a Baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Absolute_0Zero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absolute_0Zero/gifts).



A/N: For Cole

I may have changed one particular detail- mostly because this is a happy verse so, yeah

Published: 4/26/2020

Warnings: Um. None I think

* * *

**Three Morons and a Baby**

Tim blinked.

No…

Impossible.

Even Lex fucking Luthor would not be this crazy.

Tim squinted at the screen, eyes narrowing into slits.

Then, just to make sure this wasn't some drug induced hallucinations, Tim dug a little further. Nope. His eyes were not deceiving him. What lay before him was undeniable.

"Kon," Tim called, loudly.

"Kinda busy!" Kon called back, hitting a ping pong ball towards Bart. Bart himself was also playing ping pong. And a chess match on the computer. And cooking dinner. Let it never be said that Bart Allen could not multitask.

"Kon, I think you should take a look at this," Tim insisted.

"Busy!" Kon managed to deflect a ball.

Humming, Bart dashed to the computer, typed in a complicated looking move, stirred the soup he was making, and hit the ball again. Kon had to fly to hit it properly in midair before the process repeated.

"KON EL!" Tim shouted.

Kon jumped, hand slipping. The ping pong collided audibly with Kon's forehead. Bart himself was not immune to the alarm, a mess of tomato sauce blasting across the kitchen as Bart accidentally stumbled.

Tim's boyfriends turned to him expectantly.

Tim turned his laptop, showing the pair of them the screen.

"Why did I find records of your deranged father collecting DNA samples from us and even more records of him trying to mix them into making a baby?"

A moment.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Then...

"Lex did a whata now?"

* * *

Lex Luthor resisted the urge to rub fingers into his temples, despite the incoming migraine he could feel building up. Doing so in the presence of others was a sign of weakness, and Luthor's did _not_ do weakness.

"I'm surprised it's taken you this long to come down and see the Project yourself, Mr. Luthor," one of the scientists blabbered on, and Lex had to resist the urge to snakily reply that he'd had no idea the 'Project' was even a thing.

Lex himself had been working nonstop ever since he discovered his mother's hidden 'project', not that he could let that slip. He did not want it known that a figure was moving within his own company capable of convincing his employees that the orders came down from him, when they clearly did not, even if it most likely came from his own mother.

Let it never be said that the Luthor family was a sane family by any means. Lex, unfortunately, had forgotten that. Or, at the very least, _tried_ to forget that.

Lionel Luthor was dead and buried. The fact had made Lex feel relaxed, complacent. Lionel Luthor had been every little thing the world believed Lex to be, taken to the eleven. He'd been a depraved immoral monster that had murdered his own parents. LuthorCorp, before Lex had reformed it, had been rifled with so much corruption it reminded Lex of Bludhaven.

Which was to say, there were more skeletons in LuthorCorp's closet than fucking Gotham.

One such skeleton was the current experiment he was reviewing, started approximately 8 months ago by what Lex assumed was his mother, Lilian Luthor. Other than him, only she had this level of clearance- clearance that would soon be stripped away entirely.

"Just show me the experiment," Lex snapped.

The scientist nodded, although Lex was reluctant to call him that. Maybe a lab assistant. Clearly, the fool didn't know what he was playing with. Or, if he did, he didn't care.

He wouldn't be the first amoral scientist in the company's employ, and he definitely wouldn't be the last.

With a sigh, Lex allowed himself to be motioned forth to Experiment Cr-D's chamber.

There, in the center of the chamber, with scientists running around left and right, medicinal equipment beeping here and there, the child was bound. Locked within a tube filled with green liquid, face covered with a mask, likely providing air and nutrients. Several wires were attached to the child's pallid skin, no doubt taking different readings.

The child, despite being chronologically less than a year old was biologically 8, Lex knew. He'd read the reports, every last one he could get his hands on.

"This is the last one?" Lex demanded

The scientist shot him a confused look.

"But of course, Mr. Luthor. The other fifteen experiments didn't make it," the scientist said, giving him an odd look. "That was in the report that we sent you."

Lex shot the man a sharp glare.

"Clearly, the report never reached my desk- _that's why I'm here, wasting my valuable time, because you couldn't report information properly to me._ " Lex hissed out. The man flinched, taking a step back, nearly dropping his glasses in the process. Lex sniffed hauntedly, turning away from him and walking towards the tube.

Hand raising up, Lex trailed it along the cool glass, eyes locked on the child inside.

Pale skin, covered in freckles. Dark hair, much like Kon El's. Eyes, he didn't doubt, that would be the color of teal, currently shut to the world.

His grandchild.

Lex Luthor _had a grandchild._

Much like Lionel had created Kon El when Lex himself was otherwise… Incapacitated… His mother had created this child behind his back.

A clone more unique than Kon El himself. A child, created from the genetic structures of three individuals- a Kryptonian/human hybrid, a Speedster, and a Human.

Lex had studied Kryptonian DNA for many years, desperate to break it down. Desperate, because Zod had once used Lex as a vessel, and that didn't make any logical sense and if there was one thing that was true about Lex Luthor, it was that he hounded answers left and right until he found the correct conclusion.

He knew full well that Kyryptonians, Daxamites, humans- a multitude of other species- shared a common ancestor. That, Lex realized, was how any of this was possible.

Even then, compatibility of species aside, it shouldn't have been.

It shouldn't, yet here was the proof that it was.

Lex looked back.

"The reports indicate the child is 8 months old, correct?" Lex asked.

At this, he got several odd looks.

"..."

"... Child?" Lex heard someone mutter.

Lex didn't bother giving them a glance.

One of the scientists coughed. Lex turned, shooting the woman a look.

"Experiment Cr-D," she emphasized, and Lex had to resist the urge to roll his eyes, "is 8 months, yes. Biologically, it has aged a year every month since it's inception- we are studying the rapid cell regeneration, and believe we are close to being able to replicate its abilities to transcribe into humans. It is a perfect merger of Kryptonian and Speedster powers, merged together with a human catalyst stabilizing agent."

Stabilizing agent. The genes of Tim Drake.

Lex nodded.

"I see. Good. And say, theoretically, if the experiment was released from the tank, today?"

Several of the scientists exchanged looks. Then, the same woman spoke to him again. "Well… It would stop aging at an accelerated growth, of course. We've been stimulating that artificially. As well as feeding information to its neural pathways, as you suggested in case the Experiment ever got loose, to prevent it from going feral. The kill switch word was also programmed into its brain, as you requested, Mr. Luthor."

Lex hadn't ordered a bloody kill switch word because he hadn't ordered any of this, but he nodded as if he had.

Lex turned back to the child.

"I want them out of here, immediately. I've decided that, for the best interest of the Project's continual function, it's best if I take a more hands on approach in their learning."

Lex didn't bother to watch as the scientist scrambled in surprise at his words. He was going to have each of them mind wiped anyways. And, he'd need to contact Kon El, immediately and start on damage control.

_If he could control this level of damage._

Unfortunately for Lex, he was knocked out in the next couple of seconds. Luckily for Lex, so was everyone else in the room by a rampaging Impulse.

* * *

Kon looked around in distaste. Bart had made quick work of his da- of Lex, and the scientists too. Tim was already at the main computer, typing away, occasionally glancing up at the tube containing their child.

 _Their child_ , made in a lab, the same way Kon had been. Bart was already there, zooming around the thing before dashing off to check on the monitors, blathering out medical jargon that Kon simply didn't get. Whatever he was saying, Tim clearly understood because he would nodd and speak more nonsense right back. Kon spoke well over a hundred languages, but this science talk? It was not _one_ of them

Instead, Kon strode towards the tube, hand rising to trail along it. Kon shuddered, closing his eyes as he felt his kid's heartbeat, echoing loudly. Focusing on it, Kon concentrated. Memorized it, embraced it.

His child. His child, his child, **his**.

Lex may have created this kid, but they were his. They were his, and they were Bart's, and they were Tim's.

A child, made out of all of them.

If Kon wasn't so mad at Lex right now, he might have actually thanked him for it. As it was, Kon couldn't help but feel happy. Baby. His baby. Their baby. They needed to get them out of there, and fast. Kon wanted to hold them in his arms as soon as possible, and he knew Tim and Bart felt the exact same way.

Kon heard the container hiss as water began to drain out. Turning, he looked at his boyfriends.

"There," Tim said, leaning away from the monitor. Looking up, he met Kon's gaze. "As soon as the water finishes draining, we can break them out. We need to be careful- they've never let them out, at all."

Tim said the last bit with a burning rage, shooting a dark look towards Lex's body sprawled out on the floor. Kon couldn't blame him. He was currently resisting the urge to burn a hole in the guy. Instead, Kon decided to focus on what really mattered. Eyes looking back at the child, Kon's eyes began to water a bit.

_Their baby._

Bart appeared beside him, vibrating with a tangible excitement.

"I'm gonna teach them so many things," Bart said. "Important things, like which Pokémon you should start out with, and how to ask out a cute guy, or maybe a cute girl, and how to make the best snacks, and how barbecue sauce goes with everything, and maybe the story about how we started all dating-"

"You are not telling our kid how we started dating!" Tim's shrill voice sang behind them.

Bart eeped and despite the situation, Kon snickered.

Then..

At long last, the water finished draining. Without another second to lose, Kon stretched out his hand, and let his TKK do the rest. The glass rippled as it was torn apart, shattering. The pieces scattered aside as Bart moved, dashing in and grabbing the kid before they could hit the floor, cradling the small body against him. Bart was small, but the kid was even smaller.

Bart pulled the kid in close as sleepy teal eyes opened only for a moment before falling shut again. Clutching closer to Bart, arms wrapping around him, the kid… Began to suck their thumb.

Kon and Tim cooed like the ridiculously over affectionate parents they knew they were going to end up becoming.

"Let's get the he- heck out of here," Tim corrected himself. Kon shot his boyfriend an incredulous look. Tim huffed, crossed his arms, and looked away. "No swearing in front of the baby."

Bart turned, gasping.

"But- but- but I wanted to teach them all of my creative insults!"

Tim glared. "You'll restrain yourself."

Bart pouted before shooting Kon a smirk. Whistling innocently, Kon strode towards Tim, picking up the Robin in his arms.

Then…

In a flash, the three of them were gone, as if they had never been there in the first place.

Hours later, Lex awoke to find marker scribbled all over the walls and a flashing, mocking Robin symbol glaring at him out of all the computer screens in the lab.

With a sigh, Lex let out a self depreciating laugh. "Definitely his father's son…"

Then, with distaste, Lex looked around. He'd definitely have to do some cleaning up around here. He couldn't do anything about the Experiment anymore, it was abundantly clear who had stolen them from under Lex's fingers, and Lex knew better than to try and convince anyone he wasn't guilty. If years of being used as Smallville's scapegoat had taught him anything, it was better to smile and pretend it was him, because no one would believe the truth anyways.

* * *

Alexander Luthor the III (and yes, that was his name, it was the name the teacher in the VR had taught him to respond to, and the name he'd always had for as long as he could remember) slowly opened his eyes.

And promptly screamed, backing away rapidly on the bed he found himself on. Sitting on the bed with him were three individuals who Alex vaguely recognized from his hero training class: Superboy, Impulse, and Robin. Except, of course, they were out of uniform and Alex really wasn't supposed to know their names because he'd never exactly been taught that, but he knew them anyways.

"Hi!" Bart Allen spoke up, voice chirpy as he bounced lightly on the bed. "We're your dads!"

Wait.

Record scratch.

What?

"Bart!" Tim Drake, the Tim Drake (and Alex was not resisting the urge to fan boy, no he wasn't), cried out. "Stop confusing them!"

"But I'm telling the truth!"

"You're my dad!?" Alex exclaimed, surprised. Then blinked. "What- what is wrong with my voice, why is it so high pitched!"

Alex's 'dads' exchanged looks.

Tim broke the silence.

"Have you ever heard your own voice?"

"Of course I- oh."

Because, technically Alex hadn't heard his own voice.

He'd imagined it.

And reality was far different from what he was expecting.

"I'm surprised you can even speak," Superboy, the superboy, chimed in. Or was he dad S? Superdad? Super papa?

The Robin attacked the Superboy with a brief elbow jab.

"Kon, be nice to our kid."

Alex did the only logical thing when waking up to having your three idols showing up to claim they're your dads. He fainted.

* * *

Lex felt a chill run up his spine as he went over the files for future plans for Project Cr-D. They'd subjected the child to several simulations of Robin, Superboy, and Impulse. The child had responded as any child would: hero worship.

According to these records, the head scientist had been planning to correct it in the next few weeks by inducing horrible nightmares where the child's heroes became the child's abusers instead. Thus, breaking down their morale and making them all the more effective of a weapon.

Lex was glad he'd opted to kill everyone in that damn place instead of just mind wiping them.

* * *

Alex woke up rather quickly. Blinking, he realized he was still surrounded by his heroes.

He looked at them.

They looked at him.

"I'm not… dreaming?" Alex said incredulously, more to himself than anyone else.

"No," Tim said. "We really rescued you and we're really your dads."

"But- how does that make any sense?!" Alex exclaimed. It was a totally valid question, okay? Until a few hours ago, his life had been VR and chill. Little did he know, Impulse totally knew the feeling. For a moment, Alex wondered if he should start thinking of them all as dad.

Dad one? Dad two? Super Dad? Speedy Dad? Bird Dad?

Speedy Dad edged a little closer, drawing Alex's gaze to him.

"Honey. We need to talk," Speedy Dad said.

Alex blinked, because they had already been doing that, but decided to go along with it. "Okay...?"

"Your grandpa made you and you're kind of your own uncle," Speedy Dad said, a wide smile splitting across his lips.

Alex stared because what in the name of peanut butter and crackers was going on-

"STOP CONFUSING THEM!" Bird Dad chimed in, shooting Speedy Dad a glare.

"I'm just letting the facts out!" Speedy Dad defended, and had a pillow tossed at him for his troubles. Alex couldn't help but giggle, which instantly turned the attention back to him.

"Okay. I'm gonna explain it," Bird Dad said, looking straight at Alex. The next half hour left Alex even dizzier because what in the what…

Super Dad slammed a fist softly onto the bed, causing everyone to jump.

"Tim, you're making it worse."

Bird Dad pouted. Were dads allowed to pout? Because that's exactly what Bird Dad was doing.

"I am not," Bird Dad denied.

"They look- oh right, kid, what are your pronouns?" Super Dad asked.

Alex blinked.

"What is a pronoun."

They hadn't gone over this in VR! Was this a test? Alex hated tests. Tests were yucky and if his own personal heroes dragged him into one, his little heart might break from the betrayal.

"Are you a boy, or a girl? Or neither?" Super Dad specified.

Oh! This was that kind of question.

Alex's mind stuttered. Um. What? What was he…

Wait.

He. Alex thought of himself as he.

"A boy, maybe? I don't know, no one told me there would be a test, is that the right answer?"

Super Dad instantly lost points by looking like he was resisting the urge to laugh. Speedy Dad actually let out a small laugh and Alex pouted.

"The right answer is whatever feels right to you, not what we think," Bird Dad chimed in. Alex liked him. As of right now, Bird Dad was his favorite and his other dads were on thin ice. "So, we'll call you he and him for now, but if you ever decide you don't feel comfortable with that, please let us know."

Alex felt a warm feeling pool up in his chest that he didn't quite recognize. He tried to speak, but the words wouldn't leave his lips. Instead, he just nodded softly.

"Okay, as I was saying, most awesomest kiddo that I love most of all," Super Dad spoke and Alex felt his cheeks start to go red. Oh god, were they always going to be this embarrassing? "You're grandpa- my 'dad'- made you in a lab. We rescued you from the lab and brought you here."

"But, Bird Dad mentioned- why are you all crying."

Indeed, Alex wasn't able to finish his sentence because all three of them had burst into tears. Super Dad was holding Bird Dad with one arm, and Speedy Dad with the other as the three of them sobbed.

"He called me dad!" Bird Dad cried out.

"He called you dad!" the other two joined, crying just as hard.

Alex sweatdropped.

"You're… All my dads, though? Bird Dad, Speedy Dad, and Super Dad."

Alex should not have spoken up. If he thought they couldn't get any worse, he was wrong because they burst into even more sobs and before Alex could register what was happening he was being pulled into their arms as they babbled about how they were going to take care of him and love him and be with him forever because they were his dads and Alex was there's and-

Alex burst out crying himself too because oh god they were so embarrassing dads no-

And maybe Alex was just a tiny bit happy that his own personal heroes had shown up unexpectedly in his life to announce they were related, and maybe the warmth of being hugged for the first time ever was doing things to his heart, but that was beside the point. Deciding to ignore that, Alex let himself bask in their presence, content to be loved.

Even if he'd never admit it, they were so embarrassing, oh my god.

* * *

Bart eyed the birth certificate they'd stolen off Lex with distaste.

"This says our kid is named Alexandria Luthor Kent Drake Allen the III," Bart scrunched his nose. "And it's got the gender wrong."

Tim snatched it out of Bart's hands.

"Hey!" Bart exclaimed as Tim began to rip up the birth certificate.

"I'll change it," Tim said, "To just Alex. Hacking Government databases is childsplay."

That, and the certificate was clearly fake, even though Tim was sure Lex had laid what would look like a completely legal paper trail. Duplicating it shouldn't be too hard. And, if it was, Tim always had Babs to fall back on.

"And get rid of the Luthor," Kon growled, but softly. The Kryptonian was sitting in their rocking chair, because yes, they had a rocking chair, while he… well. Rocking their child back and forth. Alex was snoring away, drool falling from his lips onto Kon's shoulder.

"Why do you get to hold Alex right now?" Bart pouted.

"You held him last," Kon pointed out. "Tim is next."

Tim preened.

Bart, unfortunately, noticed.

"Did you just fucking preen?"

Tim gasped, hand shooting up to cover Bart's mouth. Bart eeped. "No swearing in front of the baby!"

"'m not a… ba…"

As one, the trio looked back towards Alex. Despite the words slipping past his lips and what looked like a desperate and valiant struggle to open his eyes, Alex began to snore away again, locked in a realm of sleep.

The three parents crooned.

Then, Kon froze, rocking ceased. Looking up, Kon's eyebrows creased.

"Shit. What are we gonna tell the othe-" Kon began.

"Language!" Tim and Bart hissed one unison.

Kon laughed sheepishly.

Then… Alex's mouth opened slowly. Kon got a panicked look on his face, and the glare Tim was sending him was not helping.

"Moth'r… Ducker," Alex babbled, followed by another snore.

The three boyfriends froze. Then… Kon and Bart stared right at Tim, who was staring wide eyed. "That- I _said that once while he was sleeping how in the world_ -"

Bart zoomed up to Tim, arms wrapping around him as the Speedster nuzzled him, giving Tim a light kiss on the lips.

"Now, now. We can't have you saying such naughty words around our kid- you'll corrupt him!"

Tim smacked Bart's shoulder, laugh spilling despite himself. Bart smiled at him, then turned his head to smile at Kon. Or, more specifically, Kon and their baby.

And yeah, that was definitely something to smile about.

They may have acquired a child through… Unconventional means, but it was totally worth it.

Their son.

Their baby.

Their family, getting just a bit bigger.

"We should get married," Tim said absently.

Bart stopped vibrating at his side and Kon stopped rocking again. It took Tim several seconds to realize what he'd said before his face went scarlet red.

"I mean, if you guys want, there's no pressure and I love you both and it's technically not legal because you aren't supposed to marry more than one person but I'm sure we'll figure it out and-"

Bart's lips silenced Tim. Sighing into the kiss, Tim let his eyes fall close as he kissed his boyfriend back, arms rising up to wrap around him.

Kon's warm body appearing at Tim's back told him Kon had left Alex in his room, along with the lips kissing along the back of his neck.

"I don't know about Bart," Kon said, each word punctuated by a kiss. "But I would love to marry you. Both of you."

"You guys aren't getting married if I'm not getting married," Bart chimes in.

Tim let out a noise of content between them because yeah. This? This was all Tim had ever wanted. Spending the rest of his life with two people he loved to death and back, along with a kid they were gonna spoil rotten.

Yeah. That? That was the good life.

**Author's Note:**

> My [Tumblr](https://unknownunseenunheard.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I also made a [TimKonBart Discord](https://discord.gg/banUTj5) and a [Core Four Discord](https://discord.gg/zd4kdj2)


End file.
